my coming out

I was asked by a few people to write about my coming out. So here it is:

Basically, I came out to my parents two times. The first time I wanted to tell my mom that I am bisexual (actually pansexual but I didn’t know back then). I just went down to the kitchen and talked to my mom. I was 14 at this time and didn’t know how my parents would react.
So I told her that I am Bi and she just said „alright, me too“. And then we had a long talk about lgbt+. With my friends it was a bit different. I never really outed myself. I just said it someday and they were fine with it.

The second outing was in October last year. I wasn’t sure how to tell them I am nonbinary so I kept it a secret for a long time. One day it felt right to tell them so I went for it. We were eating and I said that I wanted to talk to them about something. My mom first said „Are you pregnant?“ and I said nope and her second question was „You are trains?“ and I instantly needed. It was a surprise for my parents and we had, again, a long talk about it. They are still very supportive and I even got a binder now. I know that I am really lucky to have supportive parents who accept me.

I also wanted to tell my friends that I am nonbinary. So I first told one of my best friends. She said that she always knew that something like this was going on and that she is ace. My other friends had a similar reaction and I feel very accepted by them. But then I had to talk to my boyfriend. His friends knew so he would probably hear about it so I decided to tell him. We are in a relationship for over a year now and he is Catholic with parents who seem to be against LGBT+. It took me a while to overcome the fear and just talk to him about it. I was surprised that he is fine with it. He said he will always love me as I am and I believe him.

I am still not out to the rest of my family (grandparents, aunts and uncles,…) because they are all Christians with a strong faith and a strong opinion against LGBT+. Maybe I will talk to them someday. And I hope that all of you LGBT+ people out there find as much support as I did.

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Schulchor

Hi, ich dachte ich erzähl mal etwas von einem sehr positiven Erlebnis von mir. Zunächst zu mir: Ich bin nonbinary und bisher nur bei meinen Eltern und Freunden geoutet und ich singe sehr gerne. Deshalb bin ich auch im Schulchor. Leider haben wir da eine strenge Kleiderordnung. Die Mädchen tragen Kleid oder Rock mit Bluse und Chortuch und die Jungs Anzug und Fliege. Ich fühle mich momentan sehr unwohl in Kleidern, da ich Chestdysphoria habe.

Was ist jetzt passiert?

Ich habe meine Chorleiterin gefragt, ob ich Fliege tragen darf. Erstmal hat sie mir erklärt, dass ich das nicht dürfte, da ich ein „Mädchen“ bin. Nach langem Überlegen (locker ne Woche), habe ich nochmal ein langes Gespräch mit ihr gehabt und mich bei ihr geoutet und alles erklärt. Tatsächlich war die Reaktion anders als erwartet. Sie hat Verständnis gezeigt und gesagt, dass es bei diesem Umständen überhaupt kein Problem ist und sie hat sich sogar nochmal für ihre Aussage im 1. Gespräch entschuldigt.

Gestern war unser Weihnachtskonzert. Also eigentlich sind es 2, da wir eins um 16 Uhr und ein um 19 Uhr haben. An meiner Schule ist das eine ziemlich große Sache, da ich an einem Gymnasium mit musikalischer Ausrichtung bin. Ich habe vorher niemanden aus meinem Chor gesagt, dass ich im Hemd kommen werde und Fliege tragen werde. Und ich muss zugeben, ich war mir auch sehr unsicher, wie die anderen darauf reagieren würden. Und natürlich kamen Fragen auf. Einerseits warum ich eine Fliege trage und kein Kleid, aber auch warum ich etwas männlicher wirke. Letztenendes habe ich offen darauf reagiert und versucht alles zu erklären. Vor allem für die Jüngeren (5.-7. Klasse) war es nicht sofort verständlich, aber es gab auch einige, die sofort wussten was ich meine. Insgesamt habe ich nur positives Feedback bekommen. Mir wurde gesagt, wie cool das sei und wie schön mich so selbstsicher zu erleben. Es war auch wirklich ein tolles Gefühl Hemd und Fliege tragen zu können. Ich muss sagen, es war wirklich toll, wie offen und positiv alle waren. Ich hab das so nicht erwartet. Auch die anwesenden Lehrer und Eltern, die mich kennen, haben es super aufgenommen und zum Teil sogar nicht nachgefragt, sondern einfach nur gesagt, dass es gut aussieht.

:)

Mein Fazit zu dem Konzert ist, dass es gut ist ehrlich zu sein und auch mal den Mut zu haben, solche Veränderungen anzugehen. Ich hoffe, dass ich einigen von euch damit auch ein bisschen Mut machen kann, dass es eben nicht immer nur total negativ läuft, sondern eben auch mal entspannt und positiv geht.

choir


My school is a high school with a focus on music. So we have a big band, an orchestra and a choir. I am in the choir because I love singing. Btw, I am a soprano. For the concerts we have a dress code. The girls have to wear scarfs and dresses and the boys have to wear bow ties and suits. I hate that dress code because I feel weird most of the time when I have to wear a dress. Sometimes it’s okay and my dysphoria isn’t that bad, but most of the time I hate it.


In November we had a music camp where we practiced every day for the Christmas concert. So I used the chance to ask my choir teacher if I could wear a bow tie at the concert too. Her answer was no because I am a girl… I think it is unfair to say that someone can wear something or not because of their gender. So I thought about it. And a few days later I asked her again. I explained my situation and came out as nonbinary to her.
She didn’t understand everything at first, but after explaining it to her, she actually understood and agreed. It wasn’t easy for me because at that time I was only out to my friends and had never talked with someone I didn’t know too well about it. But it was a relief for me.


The Christmas concert took place on the 21th of December this year. The day started with some rehearsals and preparing the event engineering for the concert. Between the rehearsal and the actual concert we had a long break where I could change into my formal outfit. So there I was, wearing a bow tie. It felt so awesome. But I was afraid of the reactions I would get from the other students in my choir. And then there were the questions.
I mean I expected that some would ask why I wasn’t wearing a dress so it wasn’t a surprise to me. Actually, I wasn’t sure if I should tell them, but in the situation I felt so secure that I just went for it. So I came out to some of the students and their reaction was totally positive. Some said that I looked awesome, some said that it was alright and some even said how cool they thought this is. It was so nice to hear only positive feedback. It showed me that it can be good to be open about yourself.

I hope that this positivity stays in my life

Vorstellung/Introduction

Hallo, ich bin Malin, 17, nonbinär und pansexuell. Ich bin ziemlich offen darüber und bei meinen Eltern und Freunden geoutet. Da ich momentan recht viel erlebe, dachte ich, ich schreib mal ein bisschen was davon auf. Ich hoffe, dass euch meine Texte gefallen werden.


Hello, I am Malin, 17, nonbinary and pansexual. I am pretty open about it and out to my parents and my friends. I thought I could write down some things I experience at the moment since I am in the middle of my process to become who I am. I hope you are going to like my texts.